Being a growth mindset role model requires acceptance.

Radical acceptance of where we truly are.

It involves acknowledging the imperfection of the situation or ourselves without judgment. It takes looking inward and acknowledging our experience, skills, intentions, states, and more.

Why is acceptance one of the key foundations for healthy growth and change?

Acceptance allows us to

• connect with the learners we are and consider our aspirations, needs, values, resources, and our unique experience
• lead our way forward from a place of clarity, alignment, and choice
• focus our learning effort on becoming what we want to be instead of becoming what we should be
• engage with what is instead of resisting, rejecting, hiding, avoiding, denying or diminishing our reality

Let’s explore how acceptance plays out for our kids and for us.

Let’s say your kids want to read fluently. They have learned to identify the letters but haven’t learned yet the sounds of the letters.

When they don’t accept where they are, they think that learning the letters is sufficient for reading and hence they keep taking books and attempting to read. As a result, they will likely experience frustration, exhaustion, and ongoing failure. Practice doesn’t lead to the desired progress they want to see.

When they accept where they are, and acknowledge that there are other skills they need to develop first, they focus their effort on learning the sounds of the letters, adding the sounds to read words, and building from there. Their practice and effort lead to progress.

It’s similar in parenthood.

Let’s say we follow parenting experts and want to talk with our kids as the experts suggest. They have great advice and it seems doable.

However, we notice that we fail to implement the ideas we learned and that in the moment, we feel triggered and react from a place of anger, fear, or disappointment.

When we don’t accept where we are, we think that learning how to talk to our kids means we can do it regardless of our state and context. We don’t factor in what’s coming up in the moment. Our learning efforts don’t lead to the progress we want.

However, when we accept our experience at the moment, we realize that we first need to develop some skills such as emotional regulation, before we can try what we have learned from the parenting expert.

While learning is not linear, accepting where we are can help us optimize our learning efforts and energy so that we can learn smarter, not harder. When our kids see and hear us doing so, they see that accepting ourselves where we are is a superpower, not a shame.

October brings the change in season. In that spirit, the newsletter series this month is dedicated to approaching change with acceptance. We will explore the roadblocks, nuances, and practices to cultivate acceptance inside and out.

In the meantime, accept what is 🌟

Liz

P.S. If you have specific questions or challenges you want me to address during this series, or want to consult privately, email me at liz@thebecominglab.com 🌱

Become the change 🙌

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