The research on play  highlights that Safety, both physical and psychological safety, is a critical condition for play.

In other words, we will only engage in play when we have a sense of safety and feel safe to explore, because when the stakes are low, the stress is low. In that state, the brain is open to learning and expanding its capabilities.

This fact made me wonder: to what extent can we approach parenting with playfulness and allow ourselves to explore, test assumptions, and experiment?

Exploring safety and playfulness in parenthood

To unpack this question, let’s better understand the psychological experience from a different angle:

Imagine you enter an art studio and the teacher tells you: “Today, you need to create a masterpiece”.

How does it make you feel? Does it close your heart or open it? Does it make you feel excited or nervous?

Like many, you’ll most likely feel anxious because the bar for a masterpiece is so high. You might feel nervous to explore and experiment, worrying it will ruin your creation.

The same goes for parenting.

If we think about raising our kids like creating a masterpiece, if we believe that there is a right way to raise kids, or if we feel afraid to make mistakes, fail, or ruin the connection with them, we will likely feel hesitant to explore and test new ways to develop our parenting skills and enhance our parenting experience.

Often time, when I hear parents talking about their parenting challenges, or when I reflect on mine, it’s common to find that we are not in an exploration mode but are fixated on a certain outcome.

It plays out as fixed beliefs and thoughts like:

💭 only if we do things in a certain way our kids will grow up as masterpieces with the values and qualities we care deeply about.
💭 only if my kids will demonstrate certain qualities it means I’m a good parent.

These beliefs create a high stake environment that prevents us from engaging in agile thinking and exploring other possibilities to overcome the challenge.

To approach parenting with playfulness and learn through exploration, we need to engage in low-stakes thinking, learn to detach from the outcome, and embrace the process, which is very aligned with a growth mindset.

How can we get started? 

Becomers’ weekly challenge

1. Reflect – know yourself

Think about a recent parenting challenge you had. To what extent did you: 

• Think about a recent parenting challenge you had. To what extent did you: 
• have an outcome in mind? 
• feel hesitant or worried to try a different approach?
• hold fixed beliefs? If so, how did these beliefs play out?  
• try to explore different approaches?

In preparation for the inevitable upcoming challenges, how can you allow yourself to explore more? 

The goal here is to develop an awareness of the fixed beliefs we hold and transform them into growth. The more we practice this awareness, the more we see how focusing on the learning process, and less on the outcome, is THE way to change our parenting experience for the better.   

2. Play

Imagine you enter an art studio and the teacher told you “today, you need to create a piece like a toddler”. Choose any materials you want, any medium, step into a playful mindset, and create.  🎨

Cheers to exploration 💫
Liz

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🧐 Keep exploring more on cultivating playfulness:

• Can play help us learn better as parents?
• What are your hidden misconceptions about play?
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