First, by understanding my responsibility in decoding the message. Given their (temporarily) limited communication skills, the way they communicate is sometimes vague, blunt, or critical. However, it has a truth. It’s my responsibility to separate the way they give feedback from the truth of the feedback, and together, figure out ways to make things better.

Second, by getting to know how defensiveness shows up in me. This oriented my learning path to focus on developing the skills needed to work with my defensiveness. For example: 

• awareness and self-regulation skills, so that I can signal to my nervous system that while hearing the feedback is triggering, I’m safe. Defensiveness is not needed.
• purpose alignment skills, so that I can remind myself of the deeper meaning of the uncomfortable experience – to create a safe, trusted, resilient, caring, and loving connection with them.  
• listening and communication skills, so that I can step into the curious zone and ask questions to uncover what they like to see change.

Third, by providing many opportunities to practice. Sometimes, more than I wished for. But, the more feedback I get from my kids and the more opportunities I have to practice these skills, the more equipped I become at receiving feedback from others.

Developing these skills and understanding that I have a shared responsibility in decoding the feedback is liberating.

It helps me focus my learning efforts on what I CAN control – how I show up.

 Kids help us become growth mindset role models at home and beyond.

How does it resonate with you?