During COVID lockdown, my son asked me in tears “Why do you need space?”
It was hard for him to understand why there are times when his mom asks for “alone time”.
Since he loves cars, I came up with a gas station metaphor, which worked great for us.
Just like cars, our bodies need energy (i.e. fuel).
When we are low on energy, our body signals that to us.
At that point, we need to choose how and when to take action.
When we ignore the signal and reach our low energy zone, we might feel stressed and irritated, which impacts the way we show up.
However, when we listen to the signals and choose to take action, we save ourselves the uncomfortable experiences of reaching our low energy zone.
This metaphor emphasized to my son the need to cultivate three important skills:
- Listening to our body signals
- Making choices
- Finding strategies to renew our energy
Once he learned that our bodies work like cars he was able to understand that asking for space is not a sign of disconnection but rather, a sign of care – so that I can keep caring.
Let’s bring this metaphor and skills into practice.
Share the metaphor with your kids and find a moment to show them the fuel signal in the car. Here are some ways to make it concrete:
1. Listening to low energy signals
When your car’s fuel/battery indicator indicates a low level, show it to your kids and discuss the choices (going to the gas station now or later) and the impact.
* I highly recommend getting the book, Listening to your body by Gabi Garcia, to bring this idea home.
2. Making choices
- if you can’t go to the gas station right away, point out that even in this stage, we can take some actions to save energy – we can drive slowly and turn off any devices or applications that consume energy. Explain that when we feel low energy, we can choose to pause any energy-consuming activities.
- if you ignore the signal and get into the “danger” zone, point out how stressful and uncertain it feels when we don’t know how long we can keep driving (showing up) as we want. Highlight the importance of listening to our signals on time.
- if you can fuel right away, share with them how relaxing it feels to keep driving while knowing you’ll soon reach a gas station. Explain that when we notice the sign early and know we can take a break soon and renew our energy, we still have sufficient energy to show up as we want.
* I highly recommend getting the book “What should Danny Do?” and/or “What should Darla Do?” to learn about how the choices we make have different impacts.
3. Finding strategies to renew energy
When you go to the gas station, point out that while the car is being filled, it rests and can’t drive. Draw the connection to when we ask for alone time, we need rest to renew our energy.
* I highly recommend getting the book “Have You Filled a Bucket Today?: A Guide to Daily Happiness for Kids” to explain the idea of an energy tank and how some activities add energy and some consume.
* Disclaimer – I receive no financial benefits from the books’ recommendations here. I simply love these books and use them with my kids.
That’s it for today.
Next week will be dedicated to finding ways to renew our energy and supporting our kids in doing the same. Stay tuned!
If you have questions or recommendations to reinforce today’s ideas, please share them in the comments below.👇
Liz
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