“When I draw with a pencil, I don’t mind making mistakes. I can erase and try again. But when I want to draw something specific with a Sharpie, I don’t want to make mistakes”.

My daughter shared this with me.

I could relate to her experience deeply.

Mistakes are not always desirable.

Sometimes, it’s hard to make mistakes. 

I thought about the mistakes I make as a parent and how much I want to avoid them.

It’s painful to see the impact of my words and actions and to acknowledge my human limitations at the moment. 

The fact that we can learn from our mistakes doesn’t mean it feels pleasant or that we would immediately have the can-do attitude to learn from them. 

Pain is an inevitable part of any learning process.

We and our kids are going to experience it when we make undesirable mistakes. 

So how can we teach ourselves– and our kids– to work with pain and transform it into growth?

It starts with acknowledging, normalizing, and caring for the pain (instead of ignoring it).

Or in other words, by cultivating self-compassion, which involves treating ourselves in the same way we would treat a good friend in moments of pain. 

Dr. Kristin Neff has identified three core elements of self-compassion:

• Mindfulness – being aware of the pain at the moment. Acknowledging and labeling our thoughts, feelings, or sensations have a soothing effect on the brain. For example, “I’m feeling sad right now” or “This is hard”.

• Common humanity – recognizing that pain is a natural and normal part of the human experience. Normalizing our pain allows us to connect with others instead of isolating ourselves. For example, “Other parents are making similar mistakes. My kids are making mistakes too. I’m not alone.”  

• Self-kindness – treating ourselves with kindness and considering our needs in moments of pain. For example, “What do I need at this moment? What would be kind right now?” Remind yourself: “I’m still learning.” 

Becomers weekly challenge

This week when you make mistakes, practice these three components of self-compassion. 

Once we learn how to care for the pain, we bounce back faster and move forward with clarity, greater emotional resiliency, and trust that we are capable of doing hard things.

With care 💛
Liz